My three go-to habits for midlife wellness (none of them from a textbook)

As we turn the corner through midsummer, I found myself thinking about my three go-to habits for staying well. Not from a science or nutrition point of view, I’m not the person for that, but from a purely lived one. Just what actually works for me as a midlife woman trying to navigate her health through a busy season of life. Here they are.

One - Movement, but not alone

Years ago we had a springer spaniel called Bilbo. Lively, zingy, full of energy, the way springers are. He had two knee operations and a long road back from both.

I still remember the day we brought him home from the vets. They prescribed three short walks a day to rebuild him, starting at two minutes. Literally two minutes. Then building every few days, to three, four, five, until eventually we were doing thirty-minute walks, three times a day.

We always walked Bilbo, and he always came on the big hikes. But three times a day, every day? I remember thinking, this is going to be a hard habit to hold.

Except we never missed one. Not once. And the interesting part is why.

We did it because it was for him. His recovery, his health, his happiness depended on us sticking to it, so we did. We didn’t just manage it, we looked forward to it. A walk in the morning, a walk after lunch, an evening stroll. What’s not to love.

It’s the same instinct that means if your child needed support, you’d be at every appointment, every recovery session, for as long as it took. You’d make the time. You’d show up. You’d do it for a friend too.

So why, when it comes to the things we prescribe for ourselves, does it all fall apart? The habit starts, then friction creeps in. Life gets busy, other people need things from us, and the first thing to go is whatever we’d promised ourselves.

Maybe the answer is that we were never meant to do it alone. We lived in tribes for millennia, with tasks shared and company built in. So when it comes to our own wellbeing in the modern world, maybe what we need is a friend, a partner, someone alongside us to keep us going. If you meet a friend for a run every Saturday, you’re far more likely to keep it up than if you had to drag yourself out alone. That’s why Parkrun works.

Groups aren’t really my thing, if I’m honest. But I go to a small group PT session every Tuesday and Friday, and the only time I miss it is when I’m genuinely away. Otherwise I’m there, every week. I’ve got a brilliant group of women who train alongside me, and our trainer Emma is someone we turn to for support, physically and emotionally. Six years on, I’m still going.

So don’t try to do it alone. Find a movement partner, someone to keep you honest, and make this your best year yet.

Two - Breath, for the stress that’s always there

Stress is everywhere. It’s around us and it’s in us. We only have to read the news and the state of the world can tip us into despair, stress from far-off places we have no control over, right down to the kitchen sink that won’t unjam and the plumber you can’t get hold of. As they say, you can drown in an ocean or you can drown in a puddle. It’s all relative and it’s all real, and how you handle it is up to you.

This week I took the children on the Heights of Abraham, the UK’s first Alpine cable car. A fantastic spot if you’re ever in the Peak District. The doors slid open, in we got, the children thrilled, and up it began to pull over the hillside.

I panicked instantly. I’ve been on gondolas over snow before, but over a deep ravine with a river below was something else. Heart racing, imagining the worst, I closed my eyes and went straight to my breath. In, out. In, out. Saying the words with the action all the way to the top, eyes shut, completely with each breath. The children mocked me the whole way, repeating it back to me, because that’s exactly what I was muttering. But of course it helped, and of course the whole thing was over in minutes. It was so visceral in my body, and breath was what brought me back.

Breath is a genuine game changer with stress. Here’s a tip I picked up recently. Set an alarm for every hour through the day, and each time it goes off, take three deep breaths to settle the nervous system. When we sit a lot, our bodies often aren’t breathing deeply enough, purely from a physical point of view. So taking one minute every hour to sit tall and breathe properly might be all you need to reset.

Try it now. Three long, expansive breaths, and see how you feel.

Three - Sleep, ring-fenced

Lack of sleep is an absolute killer. Nothing goes well when you’re tired. You make rubbish choices, and it becomes a vicious downward spiral. So ring-fence it with your life.

I remember when the children were babies, that feeling of having jet lag every single day. I once pulled up in the car outside our house, babies asleep in the back, and thought, this seatbelt actually looks quite comfortable, I might just stay here. Which I did. Until the dustbin man came round, knocked on the window and asked if I was alright. I should have had a sign on the dashboard. Do not disturb, new mother desperately catching up on lost hours.

Things are better ten years on, but sleep still gets interrupted. I have a husband who likes to rise at 4.30, which rather dictates an early night for both of us. The children don’t settle so early in summer, so we set an alarm for ten so I actually head to bed by then. I also set the morning alarm for the same time every day, weekend or not. It keeps my circadian rhythm steady, my body knows where it stands, and when you wake rested you feel like moving, you make better food choices, your days are more productive. On it goes.

Sleep is precious. Hold it carefully, and be careful who and how you let it be robbed from you.

None of this is from a textbook. It’s just what I’ve learned by living it, through babies and dogs and gondolas and busy summers. And if there’s a thread running through all three, it’s this. We are brilliant at showing up for everyone else, and quietly hopeless at showing up for ourselves. We’ll drive to every appointment for the people we love, then break every promise we made to our own bodies without a second thought.

The fix isn’t more discipline. It’s care, and usually a bit of company. Someone to walk with, someone to train with, sometimes simply a few days where someone else holds the plan so you don’t have to think about any of it. That, more than anything, is what I hope these summer months give you. A little space to be looked after, for once.